Julianisms

“So, how are you and What’s-his-name coming along?” I ask, partly as an icebreaker and partly because I was trying to to be kay poh.

“We’ve just decided to call it quits,” my friend tells me as we stand in line for sushi at the new Novotel Hotel buffet (overall, the price is nice but the spread is rather limited.)

We’re two ex-colleagues who discovered we communicate on the same frequency and she frequently confides in me as a big brother.

“Really?” Now that was rather quick, I thought to myself. “But I thought the two of you were coming along just peachy. You’ve been dating for like… what, five months only?”

“Six”, she replied. “It was for the best, really. We’re a little too different and things wouldn’t have worked well out in the long run.”

“Hmm…,” I hmmed. “Yeah…” she sighed.

“I’m curious. What exactly is so different between the two of you? “

“Everything. The things that interest me hardly interest him and, likewise, the things that he really enjoys pretty much bores me to tears.”

“Yeah? But, it looked like you two really seemed to enjoy spending time together.”

She pauses before answering. “I guess we were trying too hard to appear we were enjoying each other’s interests.”

I was a little confused. “But, did you ever like the guy at all?”

“Yes, of course! He’s really a terrific person. It’s just that I’m so not sure about committing to a long-term relationship that doesn’t seem to have any overlapping interests to hold it together.” she explained, matter-of-factly. “At the end of the day, we discovered we actually had nothing in common to talk about to each other…”

I am searching for the right words.

Lost in thought, I nod my head slowly and she gives me a little smile, misreading it as as a sign of my understanding of her situation and, possibly, my approval of her actions. Not that my understanding or my approval is needed in the first place, you understand. She is, after all, a big enough girl to look after herself.

I start to say something but eventually decide against it. It wasn’t the time nor the place.

“Oh darn, we’re out of sushi,” she suddenly frowns, looking ahead up the queue. “Quick,” I exclaim, “the roast lamb counter is clear!” and we quickly abandon our raw fish plans for some good old-fashioned red meat instead.

Later, I share some personal perspectives with her over coffee elsewhere; while she could agree on some of my views, she also respectfully disagreed on many others. I laughed and instantly agreed that it was okay for friends to disagree and still remain good friends. On that note, we hugged and promised to do lunch again next month before parting ways.

—-

If you’re reading this, you probably have your own ideas on what constitutes a super perfect relationship. You may (as my friend does) think it highly important that a dating couple needs to share many common interests in order to drive the relationship forward.

I firmly disagree: Common interests don’t keep a couple together - common dreams do. If you have similar hopes and visions, the character and personality differences between two people rarely matter. My opinion.

If it isn’t obvious to some of you, my wife and I are two quite different creatures. For one, we hardly share the same interests.

I enjoy videogames and electronic gadgets. She is averse to anything techie.

I sleep late and wake up late. She turns in early and is up at the crack of dawn.

I’m into drama and music. She’s kinda tone deaf. And kayu on stage, too.

She’s terrific with kids. Ask me to teach Sunday School and I’ll go into convulsions.

I’m impulsive. She’s conservative. I’m brash. She’s demure.

So, do we have anything in common? Books and movies, I guess.

Well, come to think of it… we both enjoy reading but not the same kinds of books.

I am a die-hard cinema fan who can sit through 6 straight hours of movies. She, on the other hand, likes to watch only comedies - other types of movies put her to sleep (do you know how infuriating it can be while I’m explaining to her why the movie we’re watching is such a bona fide cinema classic only to turn around and see her snoring away?)

I’m long-winded in speech and in writing. Brevity is her middle name. And while she may read this blog regularly, don’t expect to see her leaving any comments soon.

Anyways…

What is really important is that we share a similar sense of humour. There is a saying that goes, “The family that prays together, stays together.” I’d like to rephrase that to also read, “A family that’s full of laughs, is full of love.”

A little corny maybe, but I’ll stand by it.

And while our shared sense of humour may contribute towards keeping us together, it’s really our differences that drive us forward. We’ve learnt to not moan about how dissimilar we are - we’ve learnt to embrace it.

Thus, there’s no pressure for me to be a ‘Mr. Know-It-All’ nor on my wife to be a ‘Superwoman’. It’s because we can’t do it all by ourselves that we need each other. I fill in her blanks and she fills in mine.

I complete her. And she completes me.

—-

As I told my friend that afternoon just before we parted ways: it’s perfectly okay for friends to disagree with each other and still remain good friends. And what is marriage if not a long-term friendship?

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